Where no man is more valuable than any other, because we're all equally worthless.
collective talents in an attmept to make fun of people. It's a lot like Voltron, really. And, just so the initials make sense, we've got the entire cast here: Clark Sheffield, Skippy McMannis, George Streeter, Johnny "Wildfire" Rage, Steve Whitewater, and Bob Loblaw.
CS: Absolutely not. Just seeing it gives me that not-so-fresh feeling. I’m pretty sure some kind of endorsement with Summer’s Eve is in the works.
SM: (mumbling) I don't know about the douche-iness of his beard, but I wouldn't mind being Amanda Beard's douche.
GS: The beard of Vinny Del Negro, formerly of the San Antonio Spurs. Nothing said dirty, Euro-trash, constant 5 o’clock shadow like the follicle-filled mug of VDN.
JWR: Vlade Divac’s.
SW: Not likely, and he is obviously no match for Grizzly Adams. Here’s the ultimate question: what happened to Johnny Damon’s beard? What a sell-out.
BL: If he actually played and wore a helmet it would be hard to see and easier to ignore.
CS: I can name 3: a hungry Corey Simon, a horny Mike Tyson, and Rosie O’Donnell without her human mask. It’s a little-known fact that Rosie is actually Manbearpig; I’m super serial.
SM: Mel Gibson at a Bar Mitzvah.
GS: O.J. Simpson when he discovers his ex-wife is running around with whitey.
SW: Goro from Mortal Kombat.
BL: Pedro Gomez with that excited little smile he gets every time a possible steroid story breaks. Or Peter Griffin trying to fit in at any politically correct public function.
CS: I think it makes total sense that a dentist would be checking Byrd’s pituitary and prescribing HGH as a remedy. I mean, my dentist would regularly examine my pituitary. Or was it my prostate? I always get those two confused.
SM: I think it makes about as much sense for Paul Byrd to get HGH from a dentist as it does for Big Bird to get cocaine from a Veternarian.
GS: It reminds me of that Seinfeld episode when Jerry’s dentist was writing everyone notes so their insurance would cover massages. How and why would a dentist have the power to do such a thing? Exactly.
SW: Has Paul Byrd ever thrown a baseball faster than 85 mph? There’s no way he’s on HGH. If so, it’s working about as well as Eddie Murphy’s career.
BL: Victor Conte was not a licensed physician and he got the stuff for Marion Jones and Barry Bonds so what is the big deal? Get the good stuff from whoever’s got it. Just hope they don’t get caught.
CS: I wish with every fiber in my body that I could say “college football playoff” with real conviction. Sadly though, having lived in the Hoosier state for over 28 years, I have seen with my own eyes the people who make a television show based on characters from car insurance commercials a viable commodity. I’m sure the ratings from Jefferson County alone are enough to keep that show on the air.
SM: This is simple: ABC has the money AND is willing to create this idiotic concept of a series. (I guess the six episodes that will actually air still counts as a "series"). The NCAA is afraid of losing money (it's about the kids after all) and is in no way willing to make a playoff happen.
GS: I guess “Cavemen” would be the more viable concept considering it has already been made, and we’re still just hoping for an eventual playoff. Of course if you ask any fan in the South they’ll tell you that a playoff system won’t help and we should just crown the winner of the SEC title game as the National Champion because no other teams or conferences matter.
JWR: I'm saying Caveman because they are easier to understand than Lou Holtz.
SW: “Cavemen” is clearly just an opportunity for ABC to make up for “Push, Nevada.” Seriously, whose idea is it to make a show about cavemen? What’s the plot, a gladiator cage-fight against the Neanderthals in the sand of Ancient Egypt? There will never be a college football playoff because it would make college football just like everything else. The lack of a playoff system allows every regular season game to mean that much more.
BL: The show. The NCAA actually has no control over a football champion. If you will notice, Division 1 football is the only sport that does not have an official NCAA championship. They crown their champion with a trophy from a department store from the 50’s and until the BCS, the writers picked the champion. That’s what happens when you have 119 teams playing 12 games each; can’t quite get everyone together. I am sure if you give it a few years Myles Brand will find a way to “fix” it.
CS: This is a close one, but I’m giving the nod to Lawrence Taylor of Tecmo Bowl over Bo Jackson of the same game. While Bo knew the running game, LT’s electronic likeness truly emulated his coked-fueled defensive rampages. In a close second place: Oko from Philly in Bases Loaded. Though he didn’t have the stats of Freida or Paste, the guy was unbelievably clutch. His late-inning heroics make Big Papi look like A-Rod.
SM: Gonna have to bend this one and use a tandem. Montana to [John] Taylor in Tecmo Bowl. Just flat out unfair.
GS: That white dude who did the slow-motion dunk replays on Nintendo’s Double Dribble……or was it called Bubble Bibble? That audio at the beginning of the game was impossible to translate. In any case, he was fantastic.
JWR: Cade McNown from NFL 2k1 or John Randle from NFL 2k on the Dreamcast
SW: Yeah, Bo Jackson on Tecmo was incredible. Second place is probably that skier on that old Windows 95 ski game: he would run over boulders, crash headfirst into trees, and then get eaten by some crazy monster at the end of every trial. But yet he was always back for more.
BL: I would call it a tie between the shooting guard on Double Dribble on the Boston Frogs (as long as you shot from the exact spot on the corner wing of the 3 point line, he never missed) and whoever you chose to spend all your money on on the dream team you made yourself in Baseball Stars. You had to play the girls team like 50 times to get enough money, but once you did you could build the squad up like none other.
